My mind still feels as if it is moving through sludge, perhaps even more so than a few days ago. However, I am feeling better physically overall, though fatigued.
Today, when I awoke, I was extremely grateful that I did not break last night. I was very mindful of this. I was very deliberate about concentrating on that gratitude, so that I may carry it with me as a weapon to use against my next urge. I did a lot of good things today, and had every intention of doing a few good more; however, a few opportunities were no longer available. I know that today would not have been as good of a day had I broken last night. I believe this type of gratitude, and projected gratitude, will be one of my most well used tools in my toolbox [this remains true].
Fuck. It does feel very awkward trying to write the past few days though. It’s like whatever command of language I usually possess, just isn’t there. It will be devastating if this does not recover. I seemed better today after a decent amount of caffeine. I wonder if this also has something to do with dopamine levels … depleted from such a huge binge. Fuck.
