I participated in my first online meeting for SMART recovery tonight. Periodically, I wondered if it was actually worth my time. I suppose simply being actively engaged in recovery, keeping the endeavor at the forefront, may have value in and of itself. They talked about an “urge jar” in which you put in a bunch of fun things or rewards you can do. Every time you get an urge, you pick one out and do that instead. It’s not a horrible idea … I may try it with a document and throw it on dropbox.
I did have a few unexpected urges while lying in bed about 9 am. I thought that no one would be calling for work for the rest of the day. If I went and got a drink and smokes, I could sit on the back porch and indulge to my heart’s content and no one would know. I don’t know that it was entirely verbal … mostly visual, tactile, gustatory, olfactory … just typing it out is kind of painful. I didn’t expect urges so soon …. Though perhaps that’s always the case and I usually don’t pay them much mind. I got tools and shit now …. Better get to using them.
