Tomorrow begins 20 straight days at the Hospital. Different life choices could have led me to prison, which would have been far worse, so I will attempt to keep that in mind for perspective. My primary goal in the next 20 days is to minimize other sources of stress while still moving forward in other arenas. Toward this end, I am delegating or deferring as much as possible.
I am also attempting to create a bigger picture mentality with my do to lists. Categorizing into mind, body, compassion, money and chores has helped, but I still typically end up with discrete and random, sometimes necessary, often not, fillers of time. Instead, I am going to try to make just one or two weekly objectives with a specific goal in mind.
I will also focus more and more on finding my muse. What is it that I really wish to do when I grow up? I am positive that it is not working at the Hospital seven days per week. However, working at a hospital 3 – 4 days a week while traveling would be different. But even at that, such would be a means of funding travel, but still not a means of fundamental expression and creation. When I was left to my own devices, I spent a great deal of time at the gym and not much else. Is opening a powerlifting / physical therapy facility the end game? Do I want to write? If so, what do I want to write? What wave will catch me, propel me forward with self-perpetuating, positive feed-forward, motivation? What endeavor will allow me to play in the wake of failure, with lessons learned, and paddle back out enthusiastically. As an aside, I will learn to surf, at least poorly, within the next two years [I did eventually go surfing twice].
I will also keep reminding myself that all of this is traded away in dancing with my deamon. I could very easily wash this all away in drink after drink of comfortable complacency. I could work at the Hospital for the rest of my life, die having never left the country, and be perfectly content, warm and cozy, in thick layers of mediocrity. I will not allow this.
Ambition over apathy. Confidence over complacency.
