8:05 AM:
Things to reflect upon this evening.
- The delayed magic of the ocean
- That poor fuck who could have been here instead of me – negative visualization on the notion
- Autopilot disrupted as a positive
- Tigers, motherfuckers!
Main focus of today is to consider the poor son of a bitch who could have been here at good moments and bad.
4:08 AM:
We went to the Myrtle Beach Safari for the second time and it was fucking amazing. We got to hug Bubbles the elephant. And of course it was surreal to have baby tigers, and wolves, and more crawling all over us. It is still surreal to think about. Most importantly, I was able to share the experience with my sister, who earned it several times over for everything she has done for me in the past.
The delayed magic of the ocean was something I noticed last year and possibly in prior years. The first night last year and this year, I experienced a minor existential crisis when the ocean did not grab me the way I had anticipated. I felt moderately dead inside at the prospect of losing that specific joy. However, rather than becoming further disillusioned as the days waned on, the ocean began to enchant me once again. It’s simple, calming voodoo became more powerful and more profound with each passing evening. Perhaps this observation has implications for other vehicles of fulfillment, or at least contentment.
I did well to remember that poor fuck who could have been here. I had multiple opportunities to ruin the day, even while at the safari, and specifically focusing on this was effective. It cut through the bullshit and allowed me to fuck the most fun out of the day
I did not fully appreciate how many daily rituals I have established until an unfamiliar and circumstantially constrained environment threw a monkey dick in the works. Ironically, it is more difficult to meditate and journal while on vacation. I was unable to engage autopilot and I did not like it. I did not like it a bit
