12:52 PM: I checked my phone before sitting down to this entry. I did so for good reason; however, it definitely affirmed that, in general, looking at my phone before sitting down to write is extremely counterproductive. It absolutely shifts my mindset to hyper-reactive. I am now in a hurry even though nothing has changed in my timeline.
I have been meaning to touch on the fact that I smoked for the first time in over a month on July 4. I did not enjoy the act of it much at all. The anticipated head rush from the first hit of nicotine was completely absent, likely due to the wellbutrin, or so I would assume. I was relieved. I thought, there is certainly no reason to revisit this vice, as it is no longer a source of pleasure that can be used as a reward. Unfortunately, I also noticed that the pent up anger and emotional fatigue I’d felt over the past several weeks was also absent. Even today, three days later, I feel overall better than I did on July 3. I will research nicotine’s effect on the brain, mood, neurotransmitters, ect. In an attempt to find an alternate drug or perhaps at least experiment with a less harmful method of delivery since the head rush I previously associated with the minimum effective dose is no longer experienced anyway.
1:23 AM. I do not like waking up early.
