Adora had her first cheering competition in several years today (they won), I finally broke down and talked to Suzi (I lost), I managed to turn three hours of work at a facility into five hours and then only bill two and a half hours (facility won), and I hit 450 on squat and 320 on bench after a long day, a 24 hour fast, and no spot (I won).
I was grateful that I was able to finally attend one of Adora’s meets without being distracted. I wasn’t worried about school or anything else. I was technically on call for Stratuswave at the time, but that has a distinctly different dynamic nowadays.
It would have been nice to have “won,” but I don’t regret breaking down and speaking to Suzi first [we’d had an argument on Thanksgiving and hadn’t spoken since]. Actually, I felt way shittier all up until the second I spoke. I was immediately relieved, and I will keep that in mind in the future. It is also worth noting that she didn’t respond immediately and my internal reaction to the fact was surprisingly calm. It wasn’t ideal, but I had a sense of acquiescence if not acceptance that I had done my part and could not control the results. It was perhaps my first deliberate act of stoicism in the heat of the moment since I began reading up on the life philosophy.
I also do not regret undercharging at the facility. I thought about it for several minutes and decided that delivering high productivity for the night was a worthwhile investment in ensuring my position as a “go to” PRN therapist.
Perhaps my biggest takeaway for the day is evidence that I actually just might be able to change my internal dialogue, to temper emotions with reason in the heat of the moment, to become more patient ….. I just might be able to do this without alcohol.
