The aftermath of my last dance is still raw enough to perpetuate my renunciation. Also, we have planned to go to the beach the last week of September. I would like to enjoy this vacation with zero doubt that my faculties are in full order, especially since we have planned on the Myrtle Beach Safari, a thing I have wanted to do for many years now. My fight will likely begin again when we return from the beach, the first time I become angry. I have had multiple cravings to smoke and I have been very mindful of how I feel the following day, waking up having not smoked.
…. Perhaps I was mistaken. Even as I write this the subtle whisperings of my deamon are present. For whatever reason, I am having a great deal of difficulty writing in this moment. There is a mental fog that I just cannot seem to pierce. The deamon, (s)he whispers that the detriment to my clarity, confidence, and ambition are an illusion. That I can absolutely be the best version of myself with controlled chaos. Strictly schedule my binges and my dopamine levels will be regulated just such that I will be able to manage stress without becoming complacent. I can’t help but recall how little motivation I had during the time I quit drinking for nearly two years.
Six months. Make it six months and I will consider dancing with another deamon.
For now: Confidence over complacency. Ambition over apathy. Don’t complain, be happy, stay focused.
Goals revisited / restated:
sharpen my analytical ability, improve writing , broaden vocabulary, increase my orthopedic knowledge, decrease body fat and increase stamina and mobility, help others without throwing quite so much money at things, strengthen bonds with family and friends, create passive income, spend less, get the house rent-ready, create a garage gym.
