10:36 AM: We went to Texas for the weekend. And the act of going does not feel surreal so much as having the ability to do so. I clearly recall the conversation with Mike and Julie at TJ’s over dinner. I remember wondering if we would actually be able to afford the plane tickets, or how badly it would hurt financially even if we could. I remember thinking it was crazy to even be able to imagine it as a possibility, as prior to that, any such trip was a hard negative. Now, I definitely had some hesitation in spending the money for all three of us to go, but only because of the fact that we just went to both Myrtle Beach and California over the summer. And, regarding Texas for the three of us, it was never a question of if I could, but only if I would.
I still feel somewhat like I’m pretending. That I’m still poor as dirt and irresponsibly spending a relatively substantial windfall. I kind of hope that I always feel that way.
12:07 AM: Everything is going well. Deep down, I still wonder how I might fuck that up.
