9:40 AM: I am a selfish little prick. The fact would surprise most people, as I hide it well behind a thick curtain of apparent altruism. But the fact is, I am exceptionally egocentric. I present an adeptly constructed and well-maintained façade, but, even in the moment, I often wonder if helping others is motivated by a fundamental well-wishing or an impulse to avoid the guilt I know will come if I neglect to do the thing once I’ve thought of it. I am reflexively and deeply empathetic, but I am not certain if this is a primary trait or if it is a secondary byproduct of the evolutionary impulse-desire of wanting others to like me, which I consider, ultimately, a weakness. A weakness that I have been mindful of curbing as of late. Which begs the question, as I become more skillful in cultivating confidence over a compulsive need to please, do I become a better or worse person?
