3:26 PM: Today I will focus on letting go every time I feel overwhelmed. I will remind myself that the feeling over overwhelm is self-created, self-perpetuated, and dictated entirely by mindset. External circumstances typically do not change between contentment and wish I were ded.
It is my good intention to journal again this evening, reflecting upon how it feels to be back home and the implications of rigidity in daily goals. I completely forgot to make a second entry last night and the indecent has the potential to ruin my day, my week, my month, or even my year. That fucking song. But seriously … I set a goal to journal twice a day for a month and missing a single entry has the potential to throw me into a downward spiral of self-hatred and fuck it all.
1:55 AM: I did well in letting go throughout the day. Right out of the gate, I had every intention of creating misery between Suzi and me out of spite. I’m not even entirely sure why. Resent for the giant financial setback maybe, but I believe I’ve fully come to terms with the fact that it was my choice, even if it were my choice to capitulate. Rather than torturing the both of us, I let go, and we had a nice time together before I went to Mound View. I will do well to remember exactly how I felt before and after letting go. The former squanders the one non-renewable resource I have while the latter revels in it.
