2:02 PM: This will be my last day at Myrtle Beach. Possibly ever. I will focus on letting go as needed and staying present. I will also be mindful of the value of walking away wanting a little more rather than clinging so tightly to the terminal experience that it lessens the overall experience.
4:41 AM: I did well today. There were some things with Adora. Things that would frustrate any parent. She got upset when we went out to dinner and ended up not eating at all. She said that she did not like anything they had, but I believe that she was upset about our seating and clung to it. I nearly allowed it to ruin my dinner and in the past I most certainly would have ruined my entire evening. I was most upset because it sucks being on the other side of shit like that. I have sulked an entire evening away over less and I hate that Adora learned or inherited the behavior from me. However, I was able to stay present, and be upset without exacerbating or unnecessarily perpetuating it. I told Adora that I was comfortable assuming how she felt and that I’ve been there. That I understand there is a certain satisfaction in spite. However, I have been grateful at the end of the evening every single time I’ve let it go.
We were all supposed to go miniature golfing after dinner. Adora ended up not going. To be fair, having to pack was a legitimate excuse; however, I believe that it had more to do with her being upset than having to pack. After Adora and Kristen decided not to go, my sister followed suit. Rather than fuck alling the entire thing, I had a great time with Suzi, Dave, Mark, and Linda.
Clinging to terminal experiences today was a mixed bag. I ended up in the ocean for approximately three hours straight. I really wanted to catch a wave that gave me that fleeting and floating feeling. I also had a really tough time walking away from the ocean for the last time just a little while ago. I had to repeatedly thwart the notion of walking until sunrise. However, I was aware of what I was doing as I was doing it, so I will still count that in the win column.
