12:44 PM: I have never given dreams much consideration. The notion of premonition is laughable and the notion of meaningful personal insight is questionable. With that said, I have noticed as of late that I am a fucking badass in my dreams. I have often said that I have never really had a nightmare. I have had dreams of utter despair, which are different. I’ve dreamt that I have lost a limb for instance and awoken with no small sense of relief. I have also had dreams in which I’ve been very afraid, but so far as I can recall, my reaction has always been the same: relentless attack. I dreamt of monsters or some other such nonsense a few evenings ago and I specifically recall part of the dream. I was standing at the threshold of an ominous room and I had the overwhelming sensation that something horrible was hiding, waiting in the darkness. While I was definitely afraid, I tensed my stomach and screamed into the abyss. The vocalization was human, but it was inhumanly loud. I specifically remember how it felt to come out of me. It felt like pure power. It was a challenge to whatever lie in wait.
3:20 AM: I had some good opportunities to lose my shit today and I managed to stay calm, rational. It almost felt as if reason was my reflexive response, rather than emotional reactivity and ruination. This is progress.
