It is worth considering that immediately after making last night’s evening journal entry [about having less creative aptitude in the evening] I made the following post on facebook:
While the post is most definitely not the paradigm of profundity, it is apparent that I exerted a modicum of effort into the endeavor of putting words together. So, it may not be that I have less creative juice in the evening, but that I am less motivated to make these entries. The extra effort could be rooted in the fact that facebook is guaranteed an audience, where as it is unlikely that anyone (except possibly Josh and Jonathan) should read these entries. But it may also be that when responding to something on facebook, I am guaranteed to have something to say, or I wouldn’t be responding. Perhaps, some nights, when making an entry, I just have nothing to say. Or, perhaps, these entries should not be the vehicle of honing wordcraft, but rather an overt and solidified introspection that can be later re-reflected upon, for which that purpose is served regardless of the quality of writing.
2:36 AM (June 24): If I ever decide I want to blog, I will probably have to start drinking again. The journal entries were more interesting when I was a self-defeated, sorry sack of shit.
Happy is getting easier. I am becoming more resilient both physically and emotionally. Things that I would dwell on in the past barely get a second thought now. When something happens, I have the same, or similar, initial emotional reaction, but it’s no longer self-perpetuated with whatever storyline will make me feel the worst. There is little shenpa. Instead, the shift toward objectivity and reason is becoming reflexive. The affect has less effect without suppression. The emotion simply passes.
