1:57 PM: My goals for the weight room have become confabulated in theory and contradictory in practice. The reason I missed an easy overhead press the other night is because my elbow is a bit fucked again. All three times the lift began fine and then the left elbow shut it down about halfway through. I was fully aware of this by the third lift, but acted the fool nonetheless. It’s amazing how a failed lift can turn a grown man into a blubbering child.
My goals are to increase lean mass and decrease body fat percentage while pursuing five and ten rep maxes and improve overall mobility and joint health. It’s interesting I wrote the goals in that order. The priority is definitely descending, though it should probably be reversed in the exact same order.
For whatever reason, rather than continuing the decent attempt I had at pursing those goals, I found myself enacting the exact same approach that led to orthopedic issues prior. I was so unsettled by the notion of my maxes dropping that I disregarded the bigger picture.
It is also worth noting that I found myself in the weight room for three hours at a stretch again. Sometimes this was because I was enjoying hanging out with Josh, which is fine. But I didn’t seem to get done any faster when I was alone. While this isn’t an evil in and of itself, it creates an imbalance ultimately resulting in complete neglect of other pursuits.
On another front, while meditating just now, the thought crossed my mind that pursuing freedom from this squalor coffin can be used as a source of periodic dopamine hits. Every time something is accomplished that inches me toward freedom, I get a small hit each and every time I view that accomplished thing. I still get a little dopamine chub when waking into the downstairs bedroom, even though there is still a fair amount of work to be done. I’ll keep this in mind when I explore the category.
3:41 AM: My journal is starting to suck a little. Or, rather, the quality of writing is suffering from a utilitarian execution. As a matter of deliberate introspection, it has actually improved. To balance this out, the negative visualization practice should be attempted sooner rather than later.
