3:25 AM (June 6): I’ve noticed my phenomenological experience is threaded with tendencies toward ruination, even if they are typically no longer realized. We went to the Tool concert this evening and I generally had a good time. I enjoyed Carcass more, and it was 30th of the cost, but still.
My mind was generally my friend through the concert; however, on the drive home the mullings of malice and melancholy were persistent and pronounced. I thought some pretty bad shit. I’m not sure if the root was resent or overwhelm, but the thoughts were spurred by the notion of taking two vacations back to back this summer. It crossed my mind that my misery is an insufficient but necessary cause for the happiness of others. It’s also possible that I was just hungry. I was on the brink of twenty-four hours into a fast.
