10:07 AM: It is my good intention to push through and stay awake until this evening. If I don’t mess around, I should be able to lift before jiujitsu and have the rest of the day to do yard work or whatever. I do what I want. And right now I want to give a more normalized sleeping schedule an honest go. If it sucks, I can always go back to what I have been doing. I feel a little discombobulated running on two hours’ sleep, but not distraught or skating the razor’s edge of rage. It also seems like a good day to reflect upon the year to date, but if I am too tired to focus I’ll not make a bigger deal out of the arbitrary calendar designation than need be. At a mental glance, it does not yet appear to be the year of elimination.
11:42 PM: I fared well in sucking the most fun out of the day, or at least being mindful to make an honest go at it. There were multiple instances in which I could have ruined the day, or at least the immediate situation, and I remembered to maximize fun to the best of my ability. I am definitely in a better mental state now and will rest much easier than if I had spite raped all joy out of everything around me. I enjoyed lifting, and jiujitsu, and my time with my patient, and seeing Tom and Val downtown, and meeting up with Suzi, and taking a walk, and the hours spent in bed thereafter. We talked of kayaking, and disk golf, and horseback riding, and airsoft, and bowling, and etc. It is crucial for me to keep in mind that there will be no reward for foregoing fun when I shed my mortal coil.
1:00 AM: I just finished reading my journal year to date. I am very sleepy, but I wanted to make a quick note of a few things that stood out. First and foremost, I am way too hard on myself. Unfortunately, those entries in which I engage in vicious self-debasement also tend to be the most interesting and entertaining. Second, perhaps it will serve me well to strongly consider some of the negative reactive tendencies that I have eliminated, in this, the year of elimination, rather than focusing on the fact that I have not eliminated “enough,” even though I’ve yet to seriously sit down and consider what needs to be eliminated.
