2:55 PM: I am trying to keep the mental state of last night at the forefront of my forebrain. I intend to focus much more deliberately on spending time with friends and family moving forward. It was also awesome to have it reinforced (yet again) that I have far more fun not drinking than drinking. Playing nightcrawlers was infinitely better than sitting in my computer chair drinking vodka alone and watching youtube videos.
For the rest of the day I will focus on ensuring that I am present while spending time Adora, Suzi, and Suzi’s family. I will be mindful to be patient and reflect at the end of the day.
12:52 AM (January 8): It was interesting to visit Suzi’s aunt with a different set of eyes. When I had visited prior, I had a certain disdain for what I perceived to be superfluous spending. Tonight, I was able to appreciate the opulence without reserve. If I were to ever obtain that level of wealth, I would still be unlikely to spend it in the same manner and that’s just fine.
I am currently distraught for other reasons. I chain smoked four or five cigarettes standing in nine degree weather to cope. I am somewhat guilt ridden for the decision. Health risks aside, I cannot continue to rely on tobacco as a coping mechanism as the guilt ultimately supersedes the relief.
