2:53 PM: I would be in better spirits if I had fully embraced sloth as a virtue during the first few days I’ve had off in some time. Instead, I have had unmet aspirations that have left me feeling a guilt- laden sense of unfullfilment. I have already contributed to this sense of avoidable regret this day. I have been awake for nearly three hours and have accomplished naught, even though I know I have jiutjitsu at 5, I plan to spend time with Josh and Jonathan thereafter, and I will be unlikely to hit the ground running when I get home this evening. At minimum, I would like to finish reading my 2016 journal and do a little reflection and stream of consciousness writing on what I ultimately wish to accomplish to be fulfilled.
2:33 AM (January 7)
Tonight was fantastically fucking amazing. I had very good rounds with Josh, AJ, and Tim and then hung out with Josh and Jonathan for the rest of the evening. We had been planning to watch the new season of It’s Always Sunny together for a little while now. We met up, ate Mexican, went shopping, ran a few errands (Jonathan bought my lobster bisque soup for me, which was nice), and finally ended up at Jonathan’s to watch the first episode of the season.
We watched the episode using my laptop connected to Jonathan’s television, so when it was over, we ended up reading my journal for quite some time, as one does. While the primary undertone was that of humor, it also made me realize that I actually do live more honestly than I sometimes give myself credit for. I had never intended for anyone else to read my journal, yet not once was I concerned about stumbling across something I’d find condemning or embarrassing. Everything I have written privately, I have said aloud, at some time or another, and they both actually recalled having many of these conversations with me. They may have laughed with greater frequency and intensity than I had anticipated or hoped for, but I am happy to validate the fact that I most definitely keep it real.
After exposing myself, baring my introspections, we played night crawlers for several hours. Seriously. I am almost 40 fucking years old and I was crawling around on the floor, under blankets, groaning and such, with my two best friends. And I could not have possibly been happier. I will always remember this. It was a true moment of fulfillment and something to keep in mind as I pursue other goals in life. I don’t really give a shit that I neglected to cross of half my daily list or more because of the time I spent with my friends. If I don’t allot time for such nonsense, life is less worth living.
Today I am grateful that I allowed myself the opportunity to realize that the fulfillment I have been seeking isn’t always found in achieving but in simply being.
